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The Lighter Side: Part 2

 Kids and Prayers

One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the_morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some_sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the_father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on_his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little_one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

 

A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold". At_this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute -how come you called_God 'Harold'"? The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they_call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art_in Heaven, Harold be Thy Name."

 

And this particular four-year-old prayed: "And forgive us our trash_baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

 

During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle_from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched_him into silence, and after church asked: "Gary, whatever made you_do such a thing?" Gary answered soberly: "I asked God to teach me to_whistle... and He just then did!"

 

One night Mike's parents overheard this prayer: "Now I lay me down to_rest, and hope to pass tomorrow's test, If I should die before I_wake, that's one less test I have to take."

 

A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. "Dear God, thank you for these pancakes..." When he concluded, his parents asked_him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken. He smiled and said, "I thought I'd see if He was paying attention tonight."

 

A little boy's prayer: "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please_take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess."

 

A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: "So your mother says your prayers for you each night. Very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy
replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

 

A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six- year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know
what to say," the little girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother said. The little girl bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I
invite all these people to dinner?"

 

Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."



From TwistedHumor.com Joke of the Day
"God's Sense of Humor" - Rated PG
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."

The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him.

The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed.

Soon afterward he died and showed up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord.

Sure enough, St. Peter checked, came back and said, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

St. Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, "You brought pavement?"

 

A Brunette, A Readhead and a Blonde 

A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"
The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.
"No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"
"OK," says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH!
The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the Blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

Fun Things to do in a Public Restroom
1- stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbour, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2-cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise
2- say, "Damn, this water's cold."
3-say, "Hmmmmmm, I've never seen that colour before."
4-say, "Now how did that get there?"
5- fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbours while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
6-say, "Dang, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am gonna do?"
7-lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbour and say, "Peek-a-boo!"

Blonde Joke

A man was in his front yard mowing his grass when his attractive Blonde neighbor came out of the house and rushed straight to the mailbox. She opened it, looked in, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went right to the mailbox and this time opened it, looked in, felt around it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched over to the mailbox, opened it, felt all the way to the back, and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
(are you ready?)
"My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

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